Patrick (quizkidpatrick) wrote,

  • Music:

"Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future. Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures"

I've been listening to this song for the past three and a half hours on repeat. I took two breaks, one was to listen to Duran Duran - Notorious once and the second was to have a cigarette and listen to the Postal Service in my car (it was a mistake to listen to songs 1 and 4 on that CD). I wish I had a Kate or a Kevin or a Rookie or a Yarrow here. These are the only people that I feel really know me and the shit I've been through and also still care about me. I haven't felt this bad in a long time.

I was talking to someone and she was telling me a story about one of her friends and the friend's boyfriend and it triggered thoughts about a certain someone. I mean, I have thought about her a lot in the however long it's been, but it hasn't been this bad in months (shit, I just looked at a calendar, it's been five months and 28 days since I felt this bad, and damn that was an ugly day). It just seems so fucked up how we could have had such a strong bond that was never supposed to be broken (at least that is what she told me even after we weren't dating anymore) and that it could turn into nothing. I have so much to say, but I need to stop. I just hate the feeling like I'll never be in love with anyone else again. If she can do it then I should be able to do it also (too bad there is no one for me to even try to do it with, or even... anyone who could comfort me for the time being). I've just got to stop making mistakes. Go me.

Don't stop believin' hold on to that feeling.
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